sigh to another school week...

i don't know if ill ever make this right, cause i am just so broken by the bitterness of loneliness, and im so scared, even though the world she loves, it wont ever be the way it was, and his heart of stone left hers breaking, every night she crys, and dies a little more each time, say you love me, nothing left inside, say you love me, and the silence will set her free.-Mayday Parade

ahhh, i love Mayday Parade. One of my top five bands. it goes:
All Time Low
The Ready Set
Mayday Parade
A Skylit Drive
Paramore

there amazing! thats just some of my favorites.

all these bands just make me smile and make me feel better about everything and give me hope. music is a huge part of my life, i want to go to college to do something in music, whether it be me doing something solo and making it big, or me working for someone in music, it has to be circled around music. my favorite thing to do in the world besides sing and play guitar is go to to shows, it is just amazing! i like lower key shows bc its not as many people and you can actually meet the bands and have fun! i like warped tour alot but there are sooo many freaking people! its crazy!


im sad, school starts again tomorrow, i like going and seeing my friends but it is so stressful!

well i have to go finish drawing something for art so ill talk later.

lovee youu
-lauralovee

cash rules everything around me, singing dolla dolla bill, yall(:

I freaking love the Ready Set!
Jordan<3

i seriously think this is one of my new favorite bands ever!
he is so entergetic on stage, has an amazing voice, is so sweet in person, and does everything himself!
i listen to his music and it makes me want to jump up and down!

so yah enough about him,
my week of no seminar has been okay, except today because all of my friends had seminar :(
tuesday was fun, everyone was free and didnt have class.
and me, maddie and our friend skylar went to student musicians club, skylar has a sick guitar! imma steal it! shh, dont say anything[:

tomorrow i dont have to be at school till 830 thanks to having no seminar!

im so tired and kind of frustrated because i want a boyfriend, and so far i havent been able to find one...

and im rambling, im always doing that it seems.

well yah,
ill talk to you laterr on.

lovee youu
-lauralovee

yay for no seminars!

since i have above an 85 in all my classes i no longer have to attend seminars at school! thank god!

on terrible notes, my dad has hurt his shoulder...yet again.
about 2 years ago, he had to have surgery on it bc apperently his rotators disk or whatever was dislocated, and he had to have pins in it.
well friday while at work, he was in the walk in and trying to put some box up on the selve and it fell and he tried to catch in and while doing so he tore some tendons and ligiments in his shoulder, now he is at home until its better, so mom is working for him till he is better. it sucks.

im very stressed out in life, everything turns around to something worse nowadays.
i like 2 guys and still love that one guy of 2 years..
the guys i like are very sweet and go to school with me, the downside is, they use to like maddie, but she never went out with them bc she didnt really feel the same. but i think deep down they still like her, and lets face it, im no maddie. both guys play the guitar and are gorgeous(: there not into me though, im almost positive..

so yah, maybe i will get lucky and they will have feelings for me too..

well im going to slumberland.

lovee youu
-lauralovee

take off your makeup, and put down the camera.

ugh, i miss the snow :(
snow is like so amazing. i wish it would come back.

i have a headache, i hope im not getting sick again..
im just rambling things that are on my mind...

i had fun at my friend halleys house this weekend!
shes very lovely haha, she taught me how to play "the girls a straight up hustler". by all time low on guitar!<3

so now school starts again tomorrow, at least its a short week., and i think student musicians club is tomorrow! i love bringing my guitar to school. but its kinda frustrating cause im not that good at it, when someone like halley has been playing for 7 years and is AMAZINGG!

well yah, im going to sleeep.

lovee youu
-lauralovee

exhale, another wasted breath.

so the concert yesturday was fun!
tfof was amazing, there awesome guys and im glad to be friends with them all!
my other favorite band was the ready set! jordan was amazing! he is so engeretic and is an AWESOME musician, i suggest going and seeing him perform!

[not to mention he is ADORABLE(:]

I dont know what has been wrong with me lately, i feel dead and just not worth it anymore..like i have bad depression it seems, i dont ever want to eat anymore, or do anything..

i think im so stressed out that its truly effecting me, no matter what i do everything always goes south.. im constantly trying to get my breathing in order but its hard. i want to have someone to love me, but the truth is, who i truly love, doesnt love me back, ive loved him for almost 2 years, 2 fucking years! and he doesnt love me at all..only as a friend, he claims to truly care about me, but not love me. and thats what i need right now in life..

well i have homework..so i guess im gonna just go do it..

lovee youu
-lauralovee

apple store

im in the apple store in greensboro! wooh! the only site it wont let you use it myspace for some reason...

anywho, going to the show in a bit,
peace

we got a hard day coming if we cant work out,

all the pissy little problems that were fighting about, hey!

i love nevershoutnever!

anyways, hey there! im sorry i barly write anymore, but no one really reads these things but me anyways.

so its been an okay time in life, im just frustrated with guys of course..
i like this guy at my school, hes such a sweetie, and he is oh so cute(: he can play the guitar and bass and thats something that i go for in guys! but what sucks is he likes this really beautiful girl...i cant compete with her. it seems whenever i get close with a guy something bad happens. either they have a girlfriend, they dont like me, or they do something that makes me not like them anymore..

sighhh..in good news, im going to a concert tomorrow!
some of my friends, the fear of falling, there opening for anarbor, the friday night boys, the bigger lights and the ready set in greensboro, my friend kristi ray, madelynn, jimmy and kristi's friend is going with us, its going to be alot of fun!

so yah, im excited.

i wish more people read these things..

anyways ill talk to you later..

lovee youu
-lauralovee

guys are just lovely.

"and honestly, i have been begging for answers, that you and only you can give to me. my voice crying loud, been crying for days now, and as i start to run, i stop to breathe, and i was nearly scared to death, for what you left in paragraphs."
-Mayday Parade

I LOVEEE Mayday Parade so much! There amazing to listen to when your really sad and upset at the world, or just at some stupid guy or girl.

i love this guy so much, more than all my being, and he loved me at a point in time, but because im stupid as hell, when asked at the time, i said no, because i was terrifed of him knowing, i didnt wanna lose him, (he doesn't live in the same state as me). so now im crazy in love with him, and he barly ever talks to me. like he has days where if he does text me, its one worded answers, then days where he is really cute and its like i fall in love all over again. i truly love him, i didnt know a person could love like this, hes just my vision of perfect, very thing he does is super duper cute, (hah nevershoutnever(:], ive been trying to get over him for going on two years now. i try liking other guys, but it never works, its like im suppose to be with him, but im tired of being alone..this is all just frustrating.


so yah, i hate my stupid emotional problems.

im going to go listen to music..

ill talk to you later.

lovee youu
-lauralovee

hello darlings.

so yah i havent written in forever, ive been sick with a sore throat and fever. yuck.

i missed three days of school and i am gonna have alot of homework. im going back tomorrow and i realllly dont want to go. i hate that stupid ass school. im tired of conforming to that ignorant old man's wishes.

i miss my bestfriend. i hardly see her anymore it seems. im probably going to only see her at school, if even that.. she moved out and now is living with jimmy, jayme and alex. i miss them too. i wish i could live with them but i cant because im to young and my parents are paranoid and overprotected. they won't let me stay the night over there with them. i dont understand why, it really pisses me off because they are holding me from her it seems. they always put her down, and now that she has moved out, its all i hear about. "shes just 16 laura, shes making a stupid decision." well hmm guess what mom and dad, stop crying to me about it! im not madelynn, i will stand behind whatever she does because she is indeed my bestfriend.

so yah my life is going up in smoke once again. i dont know what to do anymore.
i cant be myself because apperently thats looked down upon at school, i cant have a piercing in my nose, and my bright clothes make me stand out to much so the students dont really like me.

so i guess ill talk to you tomorrow or whatever..cant wait for hell to begin.

lovee youu
-lauralovee

first day backk.

hey gorgeous.

i hope everyone had a good day, i had an okay day.

i hid my nose piercing pretty well, i had a clear piece in all day and no one noticed it..

these new rules are freaking ridculious, i havent argued my point in like all of my classes, i mean come on Mr. Marsh, us teenagers have freedom of expression, i dont understand how you being some arrogant old man is gonna make my education better, all it is doing is pissing me off.

so yah, my classes are pretty okay, im just stressed.
i hate stupid ignorant people.

i miss my youth group, i mean no matter how bad some things were, i still had fun and enjoyed being with Tom and the rest of the group.

sighhh...

im just blah today.
ill talk to you tomorrow.

-lovee youu
lauralove

hello beautifuls,

i am back from my trip.

and it was interesting...i mean it was fun, but i never knew so much drama could go on at a youth group trip.

alright here is how the trip went day by day:

Wednesday: We left at like 430ish in the afternoon, there was like 80 people on this trip and we only had 4 vans to put us all in. it was RIDCULIOUS. On the way there Maddie and I rode in this womans van, she was the youth pastor at Broad Street Christians, she was such a nice person, but her van had sooo many malfunctions. it would constantly swerve on the road and we got lost one time, because someone cut her off so we couldnt get on the right exit. We finally got to West Virigina around midnight, it was suchhh a long trip. The girls got to stay in a youth house and the guys in the church. We got couchs and chairs to sleep in, while they got the floor hahahah(:

Thursday: Everyone woke up at around like 730-8 and breakfest was at 8:15 we all had to go over to the guys church and eat there, after that we would have a 15 minute devotion in our journals that talked about God and stuff. Then we got in those awful vans and headed for Winterplace. When we got there we had to go to the lobby and listen to some old guy tell us the rules and fill out rental waivers, it took forever! Finally after that and after going through the long line to get your bib, boots, and ski/snowboard, you were ready to go. Maddie and I we went snowboading, and let me tell you, we SUCKKKKK at it. The hard parts are just getting on the board, and stopping it. i would get one foot on and then couldnt get the other one because it would slip away. And on this day, it was so cold the snow was more like ice, so it was really slippery. We gave up on snowboarding and decided to go snowtubing! it was $12.50 per person for two hours, so Maddie, Allison and I went from 3-5, (we had to leave the resort at 6) it was so much fun!!! like that was the funnest things we did the whole trip. But...this day had a terrible side too...on the paper we got of the rules that we had to follow on this trip the number 1 rule was no alcohol, drugs or tobacco..and what do people do? they smoke cigarettes, and some people even weed! everyone thought they were being sneaky about it, but our youth pastor, Tom, found out about it...and he was so upset and sad and mainly just disappointed in people. The two problems were peoples language, and the smoking. So after we had dinner he called us in the guys church and we had to all have a meeting and bring our ski lift tickets. Tom started talking by going over the rules, and he was upset, Maddie and I had noticed this all day, and we finally figured out why..he was just so upset and disappointed..he started crying and was just telling us how much he loved us, and how much God loved us, and he said he should cut up some of our ski lift tickets, but instead..he cut his own up, which meant he couldnt go skiing or snowboarding the next day. it was TERRIBLE. i was in tears, because Tom is such a nice and sweet person and seeing him like that was just...i dont even know. i have never seen him mad or upset ever before, so it was a shock. he does so much for people, most of the people who were the problem, were the ones he paided for to let go on this trip. so its like he always gets slapped in the face. it made me sad and angry.

Friday: Everyone woke up and had the same schedule, breakfest, then Winterplace. Maddie and I were still really upset about the previous night with Tom, so we didnt even plan on going snowboarding that day, we had planned to stay in the lodge all day and play games. Then, Tom walked up to us and seemed to be in a little bit of a better mood. We talked about how the numbers 6 and 9 were so much alike and how they should be changed. (Maddie, Crystal and I were playing Uno, thats how the conversation got started), and he was laughing and joking with us, so that made us feel better. Maddie and I ate lunch and decided to go try snowboarding again. Maddie got a little bit better at it, while i still sucked at it. So then we went snowtubing again with Allison and her boyfriend Cody, it was fun with four people. So Friday was a better day.

Saturday: Since Friday was our last day of snowboarding and skiing everyone did service projects all day. My group, Maddie, Carmen, Mary, Bubba, Justin, Jesse, Chris, Tom, Ms. Suzanne, and I we cleaned this pregancy place, they help like teenagers or adults who are pregnant and need help with supplies and support, well we cleaned the place from top to bottom. then after that we went to a food pantry place and helped them out with bagging pinto beans and rice. we got 270 pounds of pinto beans bagged and almost a 1000 pounds of rice bagged, it was alot of fun, the guys helped us girls and we had a little competition, till it got crazy and Tom called it off hahaha, he was being just as competitive as us. it was 3 shopping carts full of bags of rice hahah. Afterwards Tom got us all Starbucks, i love him(: well, at the churchs we are staying at the sewer system has reallly really messed up. like badddd, so everyone had to go to the wade center and take showers that night, the wade center is a place that helps teens that runaway and stuff. well some kids decided to go smoke some cigarettes, and who catches them? Tom. Maddie and I walked outside to the group walking to the door with Tom and he was soo upset, again! I could have punched them in the face! We had finally gotten him in a great mood again and of course this happens! it was really sad and depressing. He finally got better at devotion, when he was singing and playing guitar, it was really great. He has one of the best voices ever.

and Sunday: We left at 8:45 and got back to New Bern at 3:30.

So it was an good and bad trip.


Anyways tomorrow school starts again, and the rules start!!!

i got told we cant wear clear pieces.
this is ridculious.
i hate the principal..

well im going to do my hair and back my bag for school..
wish me luck?

-lovee youu
lauralovee

winter retreat(:

holllller!

my youth group and two other ones are going on this trip for 4-5 day trip to Winterplace Ski Resort in West Virginia, its gonna be epic!

though its 6 hours away so its gonna be a pain in the ass the whole way there, expecially if these preppy bitches who are going are on the same bus as Madelynn and I. there so freaking loud and obnoxious. it pisses me and maddie off. like back in august we went to go see the Kinston Indians with our youth group and they were on the same bus as us and would NOT shut up! and Kinston is only 30 miniutes away, i cant handle 6 hours with them! rude words will be said if were on the same bus.

so i wont be writiing again until like sunday or maybe monday..

monday the new semester starts and all hell is gonna break loose.

the new rules are gonna start and the only one i care about is the no body piercings one.
i.like.my.nose.stud.
they can suck it.
its not fair that my high school is doing this. they think there making everything equal when the only thing there doing is discriminating on my kinda people. the eccentric people, or as we are known, scene kids. they think if you have any piercings beside your ears, your satan or something, that if you dress in colorful clothing that you werid. when really were the ones who are different, we act ourselfs, not like stupid clones.

im gonna have to comply with the rules and put a clear piece in because i cant leave it out or it will close up, and i will bitch hell.


heres my schedule for next semester:
1st period: Visual Arts 2
2nd period: Chorus 1
3rd period: College Prep English 1
4th period: World History

i kinda like this schedule, it could be better, but im soooooo glad i got out of honors english, i would cry if i still had that class.

anyways, i have to fix my hair and do some other stuff so ill write again when i get back.

ill talk to you next week(:

-lovee youuu
lauralovee

im so tiredd,

of stupid fucking people.

of immature people.

of narrowminded people.

of ignorant people.

of...just people!


im just really bored and just wish wednesday would hurry and get here because me and my bestfriend will be going snowboarding with our youth group, its gonna be epic, and we are gonna FAIL epicly.

im so just in awe of how quick people grow up, my best friend, Madelynn, she is 16...im only 14 and wayyyy less experienced in the world than she is. shes about to move in with her boyfriend jimmy, (who is my cousin. maddie is my cousin too, but shes on the otherside of my family), jimmys sister jayme, and her friend type thing alex. its not fair. i want to be old enough to do that, but no, my 14 year old self cant, and even if i was 16 and legally allowed to, my parents wouldnt let me.

i just hope everything works out okay for her...

anyways, im tired, so ttyl,

-lovee youu,
lauraloveee

fuck people

oh my god.
i OFFICIALLY hate people.

im so pissed, my friend john told me that my other friend erin said that my cousin and my BESTFRIEND, is talking behind my back. how juvenile are we now?

i know that madelynn would never talk about me, but just hearing that is really hurting me. i went through a lot of shit in the past years with people and just hearing that someone has the decency to say that my bestfriend is talking about me hurts sooooooo much.

im not in the mood to write...
i give UP on people...

-lovee youuu
lauralove

WOOH for exams.

i mean booooooooooo.

its exam week here at my high school and man is it FRUSTRATING.
so i probably wont be on muchh ):

ON A GOOD NOTE:
One of my bestfriends Erika is staying this whole week to finish taking her exams because she lives now out in Aiden with her mother and needs to finish the exams at NBHS, so she gets to stay here! PARTYYYY!(:

ahahaha, anyways yah, ill talk to yall soon,

-love youuu,
lauraloveee

SNOWWWW<3

Its suppose to snow tonight and i am estatic!

Here where i live in North Carolina, we never get any snow at all,
right now schools are at a 2hr delayyyy, its exciting.
BUT, i still PRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY that school is closed.

I am so stressed right now, like my head is pounding,
even my guitar teacher noticed it today.
i couldnt keep a single strum pattern together.

I have so many tests to take, and so much homework and things to do..
its insane.

Stressing us, isnt gonna do any good.
It makes students edgy and pisses us off.

well yah, im exhausted, just wanted to say Hello.

loveee you
-lauralovee

ohh my damn,

IM SO TIRED.

I HATE EXAMS SO MUCH.

ANDDD, I HAVE TO TAKE ALLLLLLLLL FOUR OF THEM!
FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML!

ANYWAYS:
i got TERRIBLE news today, my high school is trying to enforce some new rules starting January 25th, thanks to our new principal. My art teachers words exactly: "There's a new sheriff in town, we are all under his range". HEYHEYHEY, IDGAF.
NEW RULES:
NO FACIAL JEWELRY!: MY NOSE IS PIERCED! MY PARENTS DONT CARE, THEY PAYED TO GET THE BITCH PIERCED, THERE MY ADULTS, AND I LISTEN TO THEM! BUT NO. If i get caught with it after the 25th, i have to write the dress code, and let me tell you, that thing is longggggggggg, 2nd time, 2 days of Out of School Suspension, and so on and so forth. IM NOT TAKING IT OUT, ITS STUCK! I cant get the bitch out, so its staying on MY FACE!
NO HATS(INCLUDING BEANIES): I like my beanie, its cute, there in right now, how are they bad? hm, trick question, they ARENT.
NO PROFANITY: I.DONT.GIVE.A.FUCK. I guess I'm going to have to watch my language....damnit.
AND LAST
TUCKING.IN.OUR.SHIRTS!(MAYBE): There thinking about doing this i will CRYYYY, if they make us do this, because at my middle school last year they made us do this, and to avoid looking STUPID and FAT, i had to wear dressy shit to school, when my style is, bright colored skinny jeans, and a band tshirt..

As you can tell, there is DEFENTILY, going to be a riot, because there is like over 2000 kids at this school, and NO ONE is going to take this lighty. and i WILL be in this riot, because these rules are ridculious, there are so much worse issues in this school than our damn dress code. but yah, LIFE SUCKS. FUCK THIS.

we might as well throw the amendments out the window, cause we NEVER get to use them.

loveeyou
-lauralove.

Dear Granddaddy,

'Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, I miss you, I'm so sorry."

I dont know how to say this, or how to even comprehend you being gone..you've just disappeared.

I miss you so much Granddaddy.
It's unfair.
I dont know how to forgive you for your past, even if I want too.

You hurt the most important people in my life, my grandma dying of breast cancer, what are you doing? Your running around with Sam, some 18 year old golddigger, who only wanted your money at the time. Grandma cared about you, she wanted you, and needed you, granddady she needed you! How could you just leave her? How could you just forget about her, and forget about your marriage, COMMITMENT, is a word you never understood.
And what about my poor daddy? He loves you, and now he is qulity because you pushed him away you brought this, not him! You promised him you wouldnt marry her, that you two could open a restraunt together, be business partners.
Then what happened?
Oh yah, you married Sam, and she became your partner. AND in this process, she destroyed the Parkway, and took all your money.
I can't understand any of this granddaddy.
I just want you back, even if I feel all this hatred, you still deserved a better life.
Death was the best thing that has happened in 20 years, and thats saying alot.
I hope the pain is gone, and that you are with my grandma, and that she is a stronger woman and forgives you, and maybe one day I will too.

I miss you granddaddy,
I love you,
-your granddaughter,
Laura

School Tomorrow=BLAH.

I am not excited about this.
I have to wake up at 6am, to go to school, and deal with immature CHILDREN.
Its weird that i call them that since there my age, but sometimes its just ridculious, i get so pissed off when I have to deal with it. Heres how my day goes.

1st period: SUCKS!
Its my Health class. and I hate it so much! The kids are the EXACT opposite of me. They have to have a comment about everything and everyone. Like they constantly put other people down and it makes me so ANGRY. I can't take it. I am seriously pulling my hair out that whole 90 minutes. They won't seriously shut the hell up. I think i say that statement about 10 times, in 10 minutes. UGH.
2nd period: LOVEE IT!
Its my Art class.
I freaking love this class. The kids in it, and the teacher are HILARIOUS.
Even though I suck at it, i still like it, and one of my close friends Ida, is in that class, she sits beside me and keeps class fun. Even though she kicks my ass at art.
I LOVE THIS CLASS.
And will miss it next semester.
3rd period: BLAH.
Its my Foundations of Algebra class.
I'm not very good at math, I could be better, could be worse.
Our FOA class is different and special, we are smarter than the other foundations classes so we dont have to take the exam, but get to take the Algebra EOC...which is harder, but its amazing because then we get the Algebra 1 credit, instead of just a FOA credit, and we can then take Foundations of Geomentry next semester if we want. It can be an annoying class, if Mrs. Roberts is in a bad mood, but if she is in a good mood, its chill. She is a good teacher.
AND 4th period: HATE IT.
This class period SUCKS SO MUCH. Worse than my 1st.
The teacher is alright towards me, but if you get on Mrs. Rowley's bad side, you WILL regret it. And the students are the most IMMATURE kids I have ever met! I cant stand them! The talk about other people and drugs and sex. Most of them are failing, and they are the most disrespectful kids in the world! I feel like im 30 instead of 14 in that class because my maturity level is higher.

So yeah, my freshman year is okay..I cant wait for summer.
And it SUCKS to go back after these 2 weeks off.
Ill talk to you tomorrow.

-lovee youu
lauralove(:

New Year = New Changes.

Alright, Hi I'm Laura. And I'm ready to be your new best friend.
I really like writing, I write songs and poems all the time.
I have no idea why I want to make a blog, I just guess that I'm really opinionated, and want to be heard.

I don't even know if anyone will read this but to start out on the first blog, the first topic is: School.

I don't understand why teachers have to stress us students out so much. I mean really, what the hell gives them the right to yell and judge us all. Everyone is different, you can't treat everyone the same. And what is there problem with jewelry? its not there business if i or anyone else decides to have a stud or ring in there nose, lip, eyebrow, chin, cheek, etc. Its JEWELRY! We, as citizens of these United States have Freedom of Expression, and by them telling us, what is acceptable or allowed is against that right. As teenagers, this is our time in life we need to try new things and figure out who we want to be and if having jewelry in our face is cool to us, then hell, let us do it. I dont see who it is bothering, and why all the teachers make such a big fuss over it.

School starts back on Monday, and that means STUDY!STUDY!STUDY!STUDY! because exams are coming up and they are hammering down on us. I have to do an Algebra 1 EOC (End of Course Test) and an Earth Science Exam. Its gonna be such a pain in the ass. i got told there is like 200 questions on them and i can't handle this.

I mean my granddaddy passed away, last week. The funeral was yesterday. Its been hard on everyone. I wasn't really close to my granddaddy, because that side of the family doesn't get along with each other. They HATE each other. My grandma died back in 1990, and ever since then, my granddaddy hadn't been the same. He re-married this HORRIBLE woman, like I don't really hate people but I CANNOT STAND this woman. She put my family through a lot of hell in the past twenty years. My family used to be poor, and my granddaddy and that woman, Sam, they were rich. My granddaddy and Sam opened the Parkway, it was one of the most popular restaurants here where i live in New Bern, NC. But shit happens, and now it went to hell...along with all there money. So now we have money, and they don't so who do they come to? my family. and its so stressing, and i just hate dealing with it.

Anyways, I got off topic. Well, its late, so I'm done talking and writing.
ill write again tomorrow, sorry if I suck at this.

lovee youu.
-lauralove(: